oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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