I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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