he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
