You surviving the open bar?
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Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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