There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I think I just sharted jello shots
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
