In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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