it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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