She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
