Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
