Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I understand Curling. That high.
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having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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