That's intense
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
