Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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