I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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