Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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