the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
