mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
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