Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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