please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
