Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
