he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
my liver is dry heaving
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
