i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
