I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
