And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
