There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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