got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
be right there i have to get my cape
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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