but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
