Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
