I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
