Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
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It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
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Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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