it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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