exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
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Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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