i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
