So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
