i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
