Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
