i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Randomize
