Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
