I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
