Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
