i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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