I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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