This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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