maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
