i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Randomize
