I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
