She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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