You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
