We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
