Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
