hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
