Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize