kristin has been a bad kristin
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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