She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
