so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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