It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
