I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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