Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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