In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
