Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
