How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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