I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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