between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
