Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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