I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
