She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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