i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.