Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
