John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
