i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
