o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
