I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
