Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
