We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
