do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
