last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I'm at about main and main street
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.