I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.