Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.