.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
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So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
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Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts