The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?