and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs