No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
