Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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